This is a bridge
This bridge is very long
On the road again
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Influence

 

We want others to change to the way we do things and the way we think. This seems to be a driving force in the Human condition. Just to be clear this is not necessary. Life will go on just fine if others are not mirror copies of you.

Now if you wish to influence others to cease doing something, start grading their efforts. Grading or giving negative feedback and humiliating others will stop all activity. This is why  in schools learning decreases over the years. Kids stop listening to their parents and managers have a hard time getting good work out of employees.

Let's say your kids are playing video games. You think that they are spending too much time on this activity. So you nag, bitch and complain about this. You try to restrict their time on the computer. None of this works. If you want them to quit start to critique their gamer playing.  Make fun of their efforts and tell them their friends are much better than them. That no matter how much time they spend on the game they will always be losers. Jump in and grab the controller from them, show them how to hold this and use the buttons correctly. Every Time they play come in and remind them how terrible they are. Soon all video game playing will stop.

This Is the reason our schools are so ineffective. When you grade something interest and activity slows down. No enjoyment from the activity. People have hobbies because they are hobbies. No one to complain, no one to impress, just themselves.

If you want children to learn you only need to teach them learning is fun. If you want someone to take out the garbage teach them that this is a fun activity. If you want someone to love you teach them that this is fun.

 

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Lets look at one situation where a person wants someone else to do a job. Most guys know that it is their job to take the garbage out. They usually wait until it is overflowing and then they will take it out. Or when someone nags them to death they reluctantly take out the garbage.

This is an experiment  I have tried over many years. I tell women that I will show them how to get a guy to do anything they want. Taking out the garbage is one example. Every guy knows it is his job to take out the garbage. He will delay this as long as possible as he associates the garbage with complaining.

Instead do this. Wait and do not complain. You opinion of when the trash should be taken out. Hold your tongue and wait till the can is overflowing. He will then take out the garbage. When he comes back in jsup up and down and squeal. give him a hug and a kiss. He will then come in the next day and ask if there is any garbage to take out. A man will do anything for feminine approval.  Actually this works on anyone.

You will need to stop complaining and reward behavior you want repeated. The worst thing you can do to anyone is to ignore them. This is why solitary confinement is a terrible punishment. We will go to any lengths to get approval from other people.

To influence others to do your bidding, stop complaining and give more kudos. more praise for good behavior.  

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We all like to talk about ourselves. We always respond well when others show an interest in us and our activities.

So if you want others to like us, we need to like them. Show interest in them and thier hobbies and work. As them question about themselves. Talk about their families, ask to see the picture of their families. Do research on their interest or jobs. Send cards for birthdays, anniversaries, an other family events.

Actually like them. What you want in life you will need to give away. The more genuine interest you show others the more they will like you. The more they like you the more they will want to help you with your projects.

 

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One way to get to others to like you is to make them jealous. People always want what they do not have or cannot have. So if you already have lots of friends and activities then you become more desirable, They want to be part of a big group and they want approval from the leader. The more aloof you seem the more they want your approval or attention.

When people see you having meetings and and activities with others they become jealous and want to take part. They feel left out and will find you more valuable.

Keep busy. Keep active. Even if some things you are doing do not have high success results. They keep you busy. Everyone values a busy person. Keep Busy.  Busy people have no time for picky and go nowhere projects. Busy people must have value because everyone else wants them to do things for them.

The best way to get a girlfriend is to have a girlfriend. The best way to get a job is to have a job. The best way to get money it to have money. When you are needy and desperate you become less valuable. No one wants a loser.

When a lawyer went to Brazil for a two week vacation and decided to stay and quit his job in Chicago where he was making 500,000 per year, he became more valuable. Hi company offered him 700,00 per year to come back. He said no. Then other companies heard of this and they offered him huge sums of money to come to work for them. He still said no. He had started a motel in brazil where he now makes more than he did in Chicago and has the time of his life on the beach with the Girl from Ipanema.

People always want what they cannot have. When Coke decided to change their drink formulae which everyone said was better, many protested this as they did not want to lose their current drink, even though the nes one tasted better.   

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getting through to your kids

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       Let's say you have a box with a chicken in it. There is also a light bulb in the box. You want to teach the chicken to peck at the light bulb. How do you do this?

You could talk to the chicken, and explain what you want it to do. You could scold and scream at the chicken. You could make it feel bad for not being as smart as the other chickens. You could tell the chicken about all the good things coming its way when it pecks at the light bulb. The chicken will just look at you dumbfounded or ignore you completely as it does not understand english.

Next you could get a stick and beat the chicken until it pecks the light bulb. You will end up with one or two things. The chicken will jump out of the box and run away, or it will die and you will have a chicken sandwich. Still nothing is pecking the light bulb.

Or you could just wait and watch. Chickens are curious animals. If you wait long enough it will eventually peck at the light bulb. When it does this you can throw in a piece of food. After two or three times the chicken will associate pecking at the light bulb with food. Success!

The same is true with humans. All the talk or information in the world has little affect on them. Nagging, bitching, and complaining just causes them to run away. Beating, leads to injury, hurt emotions, or death. You will have no success.

What works is to shut up, observe and then reward good behavior. Ignore bad behavior as long as it is not going to cause immediate death or dismemberment. People are just like animals. They respond well to rewards. Give 3 to 10 rewards for every complaint or correction. Over 12 complements for every correction starts others to devaluate your praise. As long as you are over three and less than twelve to one compliment you will be fine with keeping your friends.

The best way to become more valuable is to become unavailable.

 

Too many complaints, they will lose their value… too many compliments, they will lose their value.

 

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victim_of_Love_%28song%29

"Victim of Love" is a song by British synthpop duo Erasure, released in May 1987 as their sixth single overall

 

What kind of love have you got?

You should be home, but you're not

A room full of noise and dangerous boys

still makes you thirsty and hot

I heard about you and that man

There's just one thing I don't understand

You say he's a liar and he put out

your fire

How come you still got his gun in your hand?

Victim of love , I see a broken heart

You got your stories to tell

Victim of love, it's such an easy part

and you know how to play it so well

 

Some people never come clean

I think you know what I mean

You're walkin' the wire, pain and desire

Looking for love in between

 

Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine

This ain't no time to be cool

And tell all your girlfriends,

you "been around the world" friends

that talk is for losers and fools

 

Victim of love, I see a broken heart

I could be wrong, but I'm no

Victim of love, we're not so far apart

Show me, what kind of love have you got?

 

Victim of love, you're just a victim of love

I could be wrong , but I'm not

Victim of love, now you're a victim of love

What kind of love have you got?

What kind of love have you got?

What kind of love have you got?

 

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More on misdirection

 

I have noticed that many people or organizations use misdirection to confuse the real issues.  Children use this when confronted with a fault they need to correct. They will start to point out all the faults and problems around them. They may also speak out on the unfairness of the situation. They feel that this will direct the anger or punishment away from them. This is more misdirection.

 It’s like a person who is in the process of taking care of yard work. They walk out the front door and look over and notice that their child has been caught in a weed chipper. A very serious accident and the child’s life are in danger. But instead of taking care of this important problem they notice that the grass is a little long and uneven around the sidewalk. So they get out a pair of scissors and start to trim the uneven edges. Wake up! It is not time to worry about the grass, Get the kid out of the weedshipper.

This is the classic example of perfectionism. It is impossible to be perfect. I have met only one person who is and his name is God. He dose not expect anyone else to be. Its like the person who wrote “Gone With The Wind”. It took them over 40 years to write the book. Great, book but the only thing that they wrote in their life. They did not want to publish it until it was perfect. Now how many people have their whole life to perfect one job? Forty years to wash dishes? Forty years to build one car? Forty years to build one house? Perfectionism will destroy any company and nay relationship.

Now this does not mean that you can go to the other extreme and be sloppy.  This is the exact opposite and is another reason to say “Success is Impossible.”

Just as we have learned the extremist may not be good so we can choose a place somewhere in between. To get a task done we can enlist the aid of others. We can write a book, but let an editor correct the language and terms. We can enlist the aid of specialist when we build a house. We do not have to be perfect. I can always go through and point out things that are not quite perfect, but most will not even see these things.

These two extremes are merely a form of misdirection and a result of being addicted to failure. Those that are addicted to failure will ensure that the outcome is failure. It’s the only thing that they are aquatinted with. As a person who has been in prison for 30 years and is released. They usually go back within one year. They no longer can cope in the real world. It is more comfortable back in prison. A person who has been told their life that they are a failure and have never experienced success will become addicted to failure. When something is succeeding they will sabotage it.  They will use every tool at their command to ensure failure.

 A gambler is addicted to failure. If they weren’t they would no longer gamble. If they always won and things were easy they would get bored and no longer want to play. We need to avoid this addiction and start a new addiction to success. Once we are addicted to success then nothing will stop us from reaching our goals.

 100% responsibility

 How much responsibility are we willing to accept for the events that are going on in out lives? Ten percent? Fifty percent? Ninety nine percent? It all depends our outlook and

View of our victimhood.

If we do not accept 100% responsibility for the events in our life the we will always have a link or ties to the victimhood. It will be hard to break free. Those that accept a smaller responsibility will always look for ways out of their commitment to their goals. When stress or pressure hits them they cave to the 1/10 of one percent that they have not made a commitment to. There will always be an out or a reason not to fulfill their commitment.

Now I hear people say if a drunk driver hit you or there is an earth quake how could you accept responsibility for this.

The word responsibly means the ability to respond. If a person is hired as a lifeguard  and cannot swim or perform CPR then they are irresponsible. They are not able to respond when someone is drowning. It is not their fault. Now if were to hold some one under water and they drowned then you are culpable or it is your fault. Totally different scenario. We need to make sure that we have the skills and education to be able to respond to things that happen to us. When driving are you able to change a tire? Fix minor engine problems? Schedule regular maintenance? Pay attention to other drivers and what they are doing? Or do we feel that everyone should be following the rules of the road so why bother to look out for the other person?

  If we want a better relationship are we making ourselves more attractive to the kind of person we want in our life? If a better job are we getting the skills needed for this job? Those that are responsible will be taking action to resolve the negative situations going on. Those that are victims will just sit and whine.

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