Victim? Or Victor?
...Understanding of the difference between a Victor and a Victim.
A Victim is one who has no control over the events in their lives, a crime Victim, a rape Victim, or a Victim of circumstance. A person can have bad or terrible things happen to them in life and still not be a Victim. A Victor makes adjustments and learns how to avoid the event or mistake in life. A Victor can be born without legs and arms and still get a following on a speaker tour. Then he will marry a beautiful woman, have kids and be incredibly happy. A Victor can lose all their possessions and money, then go on to a productive life. A Victor can be savagely attacked within an inch of their lives, heal and recuperate; then go back to their normal lives. A Victim can have the same things happen to them, then crawl into a hole and be devastated for the rest of their lives. A Victim can win the lottery, and become a recluse worrying that others will take their money from them...maintaining their Victimhood even though they won the lottery. A Victim holds onto the abuse cherishing and nurturing the pain.
I found that if I cut myself or smashed my hand at work, the best thing to do was keep on working. I soon forgot about the pain, and I ended up with more money in my pocket at the end of the day because I was able to continue working, and get more done. Our job was paid at a piece rate, the more you did the bigger your paycheck. I noticed others would spend time looking for a band-aid and spend time nursing the wound for the next several days. They did not have to work and could take a break. They get to suffer more pain and have less money (which even makes them a bigger Victim) in their pocket. We all choose what things are the most important to us. A Victim and a Victor can have the same event happen to them and respond in two totally different ways.
Willie and Wilma Whiner were characters on Saturday Night Live. They were famous for complaining and whining no matter what happened to them "Oh no! I just got a check in the mail, and now I have to go cash it… why me!!!?!!??" "Oh no! I just got a raise at work, and will have to pay more taxes, and they will expect more from me. Oh no! How could this happen to me!!??! The Universe hates me!!"
When we have no control over what happens in our lives, then we become Victims. A Victim will whine, cry and complain hoping others will feel sorry for them and provide comfort and support. All this does is to let others be aware of their helplessness… who then will go and take advantage of them even more. You may have heard of people who have been rape Victims or mugged and even though they cried out for help sometimes for hours no one went to their aid. Others were afraid of becoming victims themselves. While if Donald Trump or Paris Hilton went into a store everyone would rush over to their aid….they need no help. But if a homeless person walks into a store... no one wants to help them...but they need your help. The reason is that no one wants to be around a Victim. Everyone wants to be around a winner. It is our choice if we want to be a Victim or a Victor. Many have been in bad circumstances beyond their control but have decided to maintain their position as a winner, not a Victim. They were able to keep a good positive attitude and were able to take charge of the events taking place in their lives eventually.
Whenever someone petitions for justice in court they are a Victim. Whether as an individual or as a group, we are clamoring for justice, it is because we are Victims. A Victor will never go back to the court, complain, or be asking for justice. An event may have just happened days ago or 5000 years ago. The Lizard Brain is not aware of time. The offense from the perspective of the Lizard Brain is the event just happened seconds ago, or it is currently happening now. The only way to get out of the Lizard Brain is to move the thought process up through the amygdala and onto the frontal lobe. In the Frontal Lobe, the concept of time, rational thought, and meaningful solutions arise.
When bad things happen in our lives we can stop and mourn and gather ourselves up after the event. Just as when you stub your toe or injure yourself, you may stop and repair the wound and give it a little bit of extra attention. If you were to see a person fall down in the street, and you went up to them and offered a hand and they said it “No thanks I will get up later.” Then a week later you walk by the same spot and you see that same person still in the same spot and does not want to get up. You would come to the conclusion that the person was insane (or think this is a real Victim here)... Get over it, get out of the ditch, bandage the wounds and get on with your life.
A Victim will go over and over the event, and relive this time and time again. Each person they meet in life will tell the story anew. It is OK to listen to this story once if you wish to be empathetic. Any more than this, and you will be promoting their Victim story. If you make it so that the person can continue being the Victim, this is called being an Enabler. If you allow it they will fill up your life with this negative output. You will find yourself so busy putting out fires and running to unclog toilets that you have no time for yourself, your family, or for your dreams. As human beings, we have all of the time in the world, which is 24 hours a day… how will you choose to spend this? If you spend all of your time enabling others and have no time left for yourself or your family, you are now a Victim. Congratulations! If you are a billionaire, then you can hire people to take care of others. If you are not, then you will have to wisely choose what to do with your time. This will cause you to focus on the negative things in life, you will not see the opportunities, and good things in life.
This becomes evident when nations today are fighting over the inheritance that an ancestor left thousands of years ago. They will fight and kill each other all in the name of God, or wrongs they felt were done to them years ago. Others will moan over the mistreatment of ancestors several hundred years ago. They will live in poverty and despair remembering the evil things that others have done to their ancestors, and focusing on the continuing disparagement that is given to them today. They could just move on and make their life better today, but instead, they just wallow in their misery and keep attracting bad things into their life. People in the Devil State are like Victims as they are easy prey.
Victimhood is involved in The Human Condition. To avoid further attacks from people in the Devil State, people will flaunt their Victimhood saying "I'm already down! I'm already beneath you!" Signifying to the potential abusers there is no need for further attacks. As in a fistfight, one person falls to the ground, and the dominant one will say "Just stay down and I will not have to hit you again!"
A Bully (Devil State) likes Victims because it is easier to keep others beneath them and subservient. You can be the world's greatest piano player, and the Bully will make fun of you because your handwriting is messy. When you grade or criticize the work of others, you are in the Devil State. When you use the Bell Curve to evaluate the work or test of others… you are in the Devil State. The Bell Curve needs to always put ⅓ of the population into a lower state (put them down). Even if the whole class had a 97% to 100% scores, still those with 97% would receive a failing grade. Our entire education system is not about education, it is about putting people down and teaching them to be subservient in society. Does this piss you off? If you are in the Devil State it should.
The same thing happens in a large corporation. When management is less concerned about your productivity than of you being aware of your position, and you not confronting the "Boss". A company that helps impoverished kids get good jobs in large corporations said that they not only teach skills but how to react in corporate culture. People are hired for their skills and fired for not having the proper social skills in a corporation. Acting like a Victim (knowing your subservient position) will help you keep your job. Is this the J.O.B. you are looking for? One of being a Victim!
People in the Devil State will put you in a position to fail. They will assign a task to you, then not give you all the information or training you need in order to accomplish the job. When you fail you will feel miserable, they will feel exalted in their superiority, thinking "See, I knew that no one can do as good as of a job as me!' Or "See, I knew I was right!"
I was helping a group of people unload a semi-truck full of soft drinks for a charity event. Volunteers started to carry the cases off the truck one at a time. This was going to take hours, as there was just one narrow ramp leading off the truck, and each one had to wait for someone else to get off the ramp before they could proceed. I suggested that one person in the truck could toss the cases to a person on the ground, and then do a human chain to get the drinks to the desired location. I was told there was no way I could catch the cases, and this would not work. The person in the truck then took one case, raised it over his head, and threw it at me as hard as he could. Of course, it hit me and broke and fell on the ground (he had proved me wrong). A friend of mine then jumped up into the truck, and gently lobbed cases to me. I was able to catch these, and the truck was unloaded in mins. The person who felt the need to be right over the need to empty the truck tried to set me up for failure, but I was a Victor, and I won!
How can you avoid The Devil State, and not let others set you up for failure? The Human State will allow you to learn, acquire skills and avoid the pitfalls of the abusers. Learning skills and getting trained in new things will combat the onslaught of abuse. When given a new task, be careful to not oversimplify it. Do the research and ask questions of others who are experienced. In The Human State, you realize that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, and we learn from our mistakes. Making a mistake does not devastate your life, it just lets you know that you are human. In the Human State, you do not allow yourself to be a Victim. Associate with people in The God State, they will lift you up and make sure that you will not fail.
When you get stronger and better able to take care of yourself, the need to be a Victim will have less of a driving force on you.
The Devil State requires that you make others Victims to keep them in a lower position than you. When people are Victims they have less power or strength to fight back. They will submit and succumb to your dominance. This gives you a feeling of superiority over others. By using confabulation, you will convince yourself this is a natural state and not one imposed by your choices. The Lizard Brain has no compassion or feeling of community. The Lizard Brain also confuses SEX with VIOLENCE. Self-preservation and its own survival is the driving force behind its actions.
The Human State can help you combat the onslaught of The Devil State. Knowledge and Understanding will expose to you the lies that are being told to you in order to keep you in a lower position. Your education will help you to identify the lies and not be drawn into negative situations. You know the only reason they are attacking you is to put you down and to keep their superior position. When new skills are required you will take the time to learn them and be willing to make the changes needed. In The Human State, you understand that you depend on help and guidance from those that are more experienced than you are. These will be people in The God State. This is not because they are the smartest or most experienced, it is because they are willing to help you.
The God State will allow you to mentor and educate other people so that they can succeed in their endeavors. In The God State, you will set up mentoring programs so that others can succeed, and get over their negative events in life (going to hell and back). I used to have a home on the road to hell and back. I saw many people pass in front of my house time after time taking the same trip. You will help Victims not to focus on their injuries, but to focus on their strengths. In The God State, you will not assign tasks or jobs to people without giving them information or skills to accomplish their job. If they start to fail, you will jump in and kindly point them in the right direction. In The God State, you do not grade with the Bell Curve. You will understand that everyone has different qualities and strengths, so there is no need to compare one person with another. Everyone can succeed and everyone can be the best in something.
Where is our Focus?
Years ago, when I first started to hang drywall, I spent a lot of time each day hitting my fingers with my hammer. Since it slowed down the process of the job, and my pay depended on the work that I accomplished on the job, I gave much thought to finding a solution to the problem. After several years (I am a slow learner), I figured out that wherever I allowed my eyes to focus, is where the head of my hammer went. When I looked at the head of the nail, that is what I hit. When I looked at my fingers, because I did not want to hit them, I hit my fingers. To avoid hitting my fingers, I focused only on the nail and removed my hand from sight as soon as possible. I also had a problem with bending the nails over. When I was looking at where the nail point was going into the drywall, I constantly bent it over. When I changed my focus to the head of the nail that I wanted my hammer to hit, I never bent the nail over.
I started to notice also that in Life also, whatever I focused on is where I went. When I drove my car, if I let my gaze go to one side of the road I unconsciously steered the car that way. When you only looked at the road just in front of you, it is harder to drive smoothly. Only when you looked far ahead, where you wanted to be, not where you are going, can you drive smoothly and in control. By thinking and focusing on where we want to be next month or next year we will find our lives going more smoothly and where we want them to go. When we spent time thinking about all the bad things more of the negative show up in life. When we concentrate on good things, more good things come.
When severe traumas happen to us (loss of a loved one, severe accident, etc.), we need time to mourn the loss and come to grips with the event. It is up to us to choose how much time to spend in the morning: one week, one year, or the rest of our lives. Morning does not bring back the loved one, it does not repair damage caused by an accident, it does not replant a forest after a forest fire… The damage can only be repaired by action on our part. The choice is ours.
I limit the number of negative things about murder, rape, or violence because I do not want to focus on these. It is not that I forget about such things, just like I know that my fingers still are there when I hammer, I just don’t focus on them.
When I want my business to expand and improve, I focus on things that will help me build the network I need to succeed. I plan for success. I project success. I think that everyone in the world is plotting for me to succeed. If this is my focus, then this is where I go. I can still be aware of pitfalls or mistakes that can be made in my business, but I do not focus or spend a lot of time on these potential problems. Once I become aware of them, I don't focus on the problem… I focus on the solution. Where is your focus? If you are not sure, ask your friends. Keep a record of the main topic of your conversations for two weeks then you will know.
Self-Control vs. Controlling the World
I see many people today trying to control the world around them. They want to control the weather, their children, employees, and everything in their lives. From what I have seen this is not working very well for them.
For example; how much control do I have over how the government is run? Maybe .00001% or my vote. How much control do I have over women?? None whatsoever, never had, never will. Go outside and scream “Stop Rain!!!” or tell the waves in the ocean “STOP!!!”. Let me know what happens. The end result is that the only thing that you have control over is yourself, and even this is difficult. So I spent the most amount of my concern in my life on self-control.
You can be controlled by the Government, Religion, or Mom And Dad… or you can have self-control. Self-control is making a decision and sticking to it. When there is a glass of water in front of you and you decide to drink it and you do that is self-control. When you make a choice not to drink it and don’t, that is self-control. When you tell your children there will be consequences for their actions and there aren’t any you are out of control. When you say you will go to bed by 12:00 pm and don’t you are out of control. When you say you will diet or take care of your health and don’t, you are out of control. Those who are out of control will find that eventually the government, religion, or mom and dad will be more than happy to step in and take control from them.
The less self-control a person has, the more they will try to control those around them(The Devil State). They try to control what people say, how they dress, where objects are placed in a room etc. When a teacher in a classroom has no self-control, the class is out of control. When parents have no self-control, the children are out of control. When leaders in government or religion have no self-control, their followers are out of control. When I feel the need to control others(Lizard Brain), I work on self-control (The Human State). The more I can control myself, the other things in my life seem to follow suit. This means I take 100% responsibility for everything that is going on in my life. I have a choice to be a Victim (one who has no control over what has happened to me), or I can have self-control and choose how to respond to the events in my life. The more that I develop self-control, the more that everything in my life turns around to be what I want it to be. The more we can develop this trait, the more successful we will be in life(The God State).
How much responsibility are we willing to accept for the events that are going on in our lives? Ten percent? Fifty percent? Ninety-nine percent? It all depends on our outlook and
View of our Victimhood.
If we do not accept 100% responsibility for the events in our life, then we will always have a link or ties to Victimhood. It will be difficult to break free. Those that accept a smaller responsibility will always look for ways out of their commitment to their goals. When stress or pressure hits them, they cave to the 1/10 of one percent that they have not made a commitment. There will always be an out, or a reason not to fulfill their commitment.
I hear people say if a drunk driver hit you or if there is an earthquake, how could you accept responsibility for this?
The word responsibly means the ability to respond. If a person is hired as a lifeguard and cannot swim or perform CPR then they are irresponsible. They are not able to respond when someone is drowning. It is not their fault. Now if were to hold someone underwater and they drowned then you are culpable, or it is your fault. This is a totally different scenario. We need to make sure that we have the skills and education to be able to respond to things that happen to us. When driving are you able to change a tire? ...fix minor engine problems? ...schedule regular maintenance? ...pay attention to other drivers and what they are doing? ...or do we feel that everyone should be following the rules of the road, so why bother to look out for the other person?
If we want a better relationship, are we making ourselves more attractive (hubba hubba!! ;-) ) to the kind of person we want in our life? Are you letting your inner qualities of love, kindness, and respect outshine your outer beauty? Whatever you allow to become brighter will become your beacon of attraction. If you allow outer beauty, you will attract shallow people in your life (Lizards). If you allow your inner beauty to outshine, you will attract people that have the same dreams and aspirations as you (Humans in the God State). If a better job is we got the skills needed for this job? Those that are responsible will be taking action to resolve the negative situations going on. Those that are Victims will just sit and whine. " Help I have fallen and can't get up!"...